The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
