somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Come back. Shots need mouths.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
