Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
