Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
