he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
