Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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