I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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