How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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