I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Randomize
