***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
