I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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