He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
