How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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