I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
