just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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