Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
