man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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