I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
i've created a new STD.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
