Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
