Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
