Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We were destined to go to rehab together
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
