We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
MIDGETS
????
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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