i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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