Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
