Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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