her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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