Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm too high and old for this...
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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