i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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