If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize