Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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