You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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