My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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