OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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