i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
