I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize