This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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