somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
