Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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