I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
