so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
