How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
