how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You've changed since you got that strap on
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
