He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
