turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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