Jerry, you need to find god
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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