I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
