he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Fuck appropriateness.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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