We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I have already put on my inside pants.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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