My hand turned me down
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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