Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
