i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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