It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
