It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
