I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
