got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
i've created a new STD.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
