I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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