I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
