How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize