I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
