You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
