Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
