Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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