a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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