physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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