my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
