you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
