just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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