Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
