My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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